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Oct
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chaselisbon: One of those nights.  Been laid up with this fever and thinking about the future too much. I spend so much time watching people make millions off of so little talent, while so many others go unnoticed. I wonder what percent of artists chose to remain under their rocks, and which ones just get hammered down every time they make a run for the sun.  I always wonder what I would do with my life if I had unlimited funds. I don’t think too much would change. God knows I haven’t been doing any of this for the money. I know I would still shoot -and edit video in particular- but how often? I sometimes think I would shoot more if I didn’t have to. I do know that there’s the never ending fear of the future passing me by. Every day I see something newer… a better way of doing what I do, or someone doing a better job at being me. Wondering when I become obsolete, if I was ever “lete” to begin with. If any of us are.  Ultimately we should all be happy to contribute to the whole, but my sense of SELF still wants to be recognized. I know inside, that the day I can make something without any sort of need for validation and with full confidence is the day that I will have ascended past that one step that keeps tripping me. For now I can’t fight the urge to prove myself TO myself. To my past. To everything that haunts me and ever told me I couldn’t. The memories and pains that became demons in me. The demons that worked so hard to keep me from ever seeing LIGHT for fear I would leave them behind with nothing but their own HOLLOW to feed on. Every night I know that people everywhere are battling their own demons. Every night the same trials are presented to the new contenders and so many are lost. But I always remember there is no failure in loss when knowledge is gained. And for every night or day I slipped into the darkness to escape the pain of truth or to lay amongst the familiarity of PAIN, I have gained the knowledge of it’s outcome and the strength to avoid these entrapments. I wish the same for everyone I love, and I hope the day comes that we all feel validated. LISBON///SUPERCULT.COM///FLNGS///FILTHYGORGEOUSTHINGS.COM

chaselisbon:

One of those nights.  Been laid up with this fever and thinking about the future too much. I spend so much time watching people make millions off of so little talent, while so many others go unnoticed. I wonder what percent of artists chose to remain under their rocks, and which ones just get hammered down every time they make a run for the sun.  
I always wonder what I would do with my life if I had unlimited funds. I don’t think too much would change. God knows I haven’t been doing any of this for the money. I know I would still shoot -and edit video in particular- but how often? I sometimes think I would shoot more if I didn’t have to. I do know that there’s the never ending fear of the future passing me by. Every day I see something newer… a better way of doing what I do, or someone doing a better job at being me. Wondering when I become obsolete, if I was ever “lete” to begin with. If any of us are.  Ultimately we should all be happy to contribute to the whole, but my sense of SELF still wants to be recognized. I know inside, that the day I can make something without any sort of need for validation and with full confidence is the day that I will have ascended past that one step that keeps tripping me. For now I can’t fight the urge to prove myself TO myself. To my past. To everything that haunts me and ever told me I couldn’t. The memories and pains that became demons in me. The demons that worked so hard to keep me from ever seeing LIGHT for fear I would leave them behind with nothing but their own HOLLOW to feed on.

Every night I know that people everywhere are battling their own demons. Every night the same trials are presented to the new contenders and so many are lost. But I always remember there is no failure in loss when knowledge is gained. And for every night or day I slipped into the darkness to escape the pain of truth or to lay amongst the familiarity of PAIN, I have gained the knowledge of it’s outcome and the strength to avoid these entrapments.

I wish the same for everyone I love, and I hope the day comes that we all feel validated.

LISBON///SUPERCULT.COM///FLNGS///FILTHYGORGEOUSTHINGS.COM